Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
