Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
