K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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