I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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