Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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