The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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