My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
