I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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