my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
