I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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