My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
