I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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