The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
