sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
