we have officially lost it.
the condom got lost in my hair
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
