I should be sponsored by Trojan
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
