im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
