you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
