shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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