Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
