I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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