He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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