Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
