I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
