I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
