just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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