my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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