You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
