Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
