A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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