OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
