the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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