the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
