Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
