dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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