nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
