oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
