I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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