I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
