It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
