somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
