How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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