This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
