we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
