Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
