i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
