I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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