I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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