You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I will pee on everything he values.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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