i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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