she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
