I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
