I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
