so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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