their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
