just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
