No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
